Marie – “Not a Lighter Load, But a Stronger Back to Carry It”

What do you do when you suddenly realize at age 60 that your husband’s business is facing bankruptcy? He has, until the last year or so, operated a fairly successful medium-sized business. Our living had been adequate to have a nice home, a few interesting trips. We were able to make good contributions to our church. We supported community programs. Our social life, though not lavish, was comfortable and we enjoyed entertaining friends. We found pleasure in furnishing transportation for Boy Scouts and other youth groups to their camping grounds, etc. Many times we commented how good life was, we could not ask for more happiness.

Then gradually the handwriting on the wall began to come clearly into focus. There just seemed no way to head things back up. You just can’t continue to lose money and build back at the same time.

After my husband came from his banker, we quit kidding ourselves that things would change. There was nothing to do but face it.

I’d go to bed thinking I could shut the monstrous picture out of my mind. Sleep would only last for a few hours and then I was wide-eyed, trying to relive the past, correcting the mistakes we had made along the way. Or, I’d try to lay plans for what we could do for the future. At 60, your chances for good jobs aren’t plentiful. My training did not qualify me for today’s jobs. I could imagine the “Sorry, we can’t use you,” pop before my eyes. There were plenty of women to do the jobs I could do, even if I really humbled myself. Though we were still hanging on, I tried to lay concrete plans.

 I tried to be cheerful and normal for the sake of my husband. I could see that he was trying just as hard. It was hard to keep up a conversation. I knew it pained him to ask about the business. I knew if there was any encouraging news, he’d tell me anyway.

Most noticeable was the change of interests. No longer was I enthused to hear about some good bit of luck that happened to my friend. I watched people drive by with good cars, their boats or campers, and wondered why there were more deserving than we. I was Christian enough to believe the Ten Commandments and the one that said, “thou shalt not covet” I was sure was meant me.

T.V. programs held no interest for some were too happy, which I was not; and other programs were full of problems and I didn’t need them. Radio irritated me, but the quiet left space in my mind to go over and over and try to solve our problems and soon I’d find myself too keyed up to settle to anything. I have several hobbies but could generate no enthusiasm for them. Suddenly, the treasures I had accumulated over the years lost their dearness. I resented that others had what we had worked for and given every ounce of energy to. Through the jobs, my husband had helped so many needy persons, a boy who wanted to go to school, etc. I could hardly get food down my throat, the inside was so tight, and I couldn’t concentrate to read. Worry takes the enjoyment out of everything.

One message from this experience is to build a retirement as you go. We were always going to do this when we hit it good; but we plowed everything back into the business. Now the debts were ready to swallow it. We had given to the needy, and I couldn’t believe that I might now be one of those in need. I thought I had had compassion on those in need (i.e., the many jars of fruit and cans of vegetables, etc.). I tried to pretend to be happy and keep it from others in the family, like our children who were in their early married years and needed no added burden or embarrassment they would feel for parents they had built such confidence in.

I had a continual lump in throat and I’d sleep to shut out the problems; but it would only last a while. Every drawer was torture to open, for it held things dear, and I wondered what to do with them. Jokes that used to be funny on longer had any humor.

Then, the bank foreclosed, and we

• tightened our belts,
• found we didn’t need all the things we’d been used to,
• ate out of our food storage,
• found we could get by with very little cash outlay

Harold started to sell the equipment, etc. It seemed he had a lot of guidance from somewhere. Things turned out good in most instances. He worked his sales like a game of chess. Each move made another possible. It would have been interesting to have recorded each move.

And the results:
Gradually, we could see the dawn of a new horizon. We had learned to meet things head on. No longer was there anxiety and dread of what was going to happen. I began to feel the joy of accomplishment of climbing out from under the load and found new appreciation for life.

The question of “Why?” had persistently come before me. Now it became, “What can I do about it?”

I began to see the bankruptcy as a period of growth instead of tragedy. When I wondered if the Lord had turned his back on us, I knew I must keep trying and not turn my back on him. We would give Him the best we had and trust in His goodness. It was like being swept toward the falls and help was just standing on the bank doing nothing. But the thing I didn’t reckon with was that the Lord would be at the bottom to give His hand.

This is what I learned:

• that adversity can bring growth if we accept it as a blessing and not a tragedy–it all depends upon how we accept it;

• that doors will open, giving blessings that we never dreamed of;

• that to feel bitter and resentful is only a wasted life;

• that the Lord didn’t put us here to fail;

• that the greatest growth years should be ahead;

• that there’s no growth until we are sharpened on the grindstone of life (in fact, I feel sorry for completely happy people, where I used to envy them);

• that this is probably our “Gethsemane”–what we do with it is up to us. We know what Jesus did with His

• that where there’s contention, the Lord can’t dwell–in my case, this applies to contention in thinking and bad attitudes; and

• that our greatest contribution is to build lives–not to feel sorry for our lot.

Realizing this has helped to give me a sense of direction and a peace of mind that has eased my load measurably. I think I can now sincerely pray “not for a lighter load, but a back strong enough to carry it,” and I might add “to accept this crisis for what it can be–a blessing.”
-Marie

Editor’s Note:

An afghan Marie made before she died was auctioned at the Ryan’s Lion Fundraiser.

Marie is the great-grandmother of Ryan, the Ryan’s Lion Organization founder. Five years after Marie’s death, we had our first Organization Fundraiser. Just days before the fundraiser, family members found a crocheted afghan that Marie had made hidden in the back of a closet of the home where she had lived. The afghan was donated to the fundraiser raffle along with the following note:

“This lap afghan was made by Ryan’s great-grandmother, Marie, sometime in the 1990’s. She would have been in her late 80’s when it was made. It was not unearthed in a corner of her home until just lately (She had many corners!) As a family, we were not sure who should get this afghan. She loved Ryan and we know that she would want to help him with this awesome project.”

Marie’s lion, Lion #125 was then created in her honor.

Marie’s Lion was passed on to…Mike.